Having a child with FASD is a challenge, which each parent raising these precious ones knows. However, as a parent we still desire the best for our kids and wonder “will they be able to ______________.”
Having “normal” expectations can be very discouraging, destructive and deceiving.
As parents, we desire for our children to be able to do the things their peers can do whether that be socially, physically or academically. Often we try all sorts of things to make them “fit in” and then we are discouraged when they don’t. We often try to push them academically, because we feel pressure for them to be at grade level, and what results is a feeling of failure when it doesn’t happen.
If we aren’t careful, our reactions to the discouragements lead us to destruction of our selves and our worth in Christ and especially as our job as Mother or Father. These times of discouragement can lead to yelling at our kids or showing our children we are disappointed in them and that they don’t measure up. This results in the worse possible outcome which is destruction of our precious childs self-esteem and worth and just causes them to spiral down into feelings like they “just aren’t smart enough or good enough”.
These discouraging times and destruction leads to deception. We deceive ourselves into thinking that our children are “never” going to be able to do __________. We deceive our children into thinking they are “not able” to do ____________.
So what can we do to avoid these 3 D’s?
1. Divine Intervention and Control: We MUST go to the Lord with our children each day, throughout the day. Asking Him to meet the needs we or our children have no matter how small. He created them, He has a plan for them, He will make them into who He wants them to be! Believe it!! (1 Thess. 5:16-18, Romans 12:12)
2. Don’t give up: I don’t think we should have no expectations altogether, but we need determine what they can do and work with them on those goals. As we see these goals accomplished it will give us an our child something to celebrate. Trying to silence the messages from “typical” parents and our own desire to have them be “typical” and be able to do ________”, is a constant battle that needs to be won.
3. Document: Journal the situation, your frustrations, scripture that you can hold onto or that the Lord may have given you, positive characteristics about your child, Your childs strengths, your fears etc…
4. Then determine to look at your child through the eyes of the Lord and help them to become what God wants them to be, and not what we want them to be. (1 Thess. 5:11, Psalm 139)
I write this from the place of necessity and not because I have it down, because the Lord and the other ladies that I work with on this blog know the deep struggles that I go through daily, and have seen how I fail. However, if we dwell on our child’s disability (FASD) we will have no hope and it will destroy us and our children. We need to look to the Lord even more and encourage one another in HIM, so that we can get through each day and that in the end the Lord will be glorified in our children’s lives.
I would love to hear your feedback on “expectations” and how you deal with it on a daily basis.